Do As I Say, Not As I Do – Confronting Abuse in Religious Communities

In this article I will be sharing my views on a subject which I feel strongly about, but the writing involves subject matter which is distasteful and confronting. If some prefer not to read, I understand. However, this is a subject which I have had experience with, and am passionate about drawing people’s attention to.

Matthew 7:15 warns us: “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves”.

This passage warns us of men who profess to be holy, but secretly use their influence to manipulate and abuse others. These ‘ravening wolves’ may only be a small percentage of religious leaders, but individuals like this often have penetrated the top ranks of society to leave devastating effects on their victims.

Many religions have holy men, who teach others about divinity and have loyal devotees who often follow their every instruction without question or explanation. These holy men are in positions of power, and as such their actions can be difficult to criticise for people within their community.

Whilst many so-called holy men have been exposed over the years, the scourge of abuse within religious institutions has played on my mind more than usual in 2020. Perhaps this is due in part to the stress and uncertainty of the year, and my subsequent reflections on the importance of my faith.

I was not born a Christian. I found the Christian faith as a 16 year old high school student, and chose Jesus Christ because I wanted the shackles that held me down to be broken and for me to be set free. In choosing Elohim (God) and Jesus, I chose something precious and sacred. The purpose behind writing this is to protect that preciousness of God, and to help protect the faithful from those who would misuse God’s name for their own malicious ends.

Many years ago when I was a young, newly-wed and heavily pregnant woman, my father-in-law came to keep me company because I was upset about some news I had received. My then-husband was away travelling for work, and I was alone in my apartment.

My father-in-law was a gentle man of few words, but during that conversation he gave me two pieces of information I have never forgotten.

Firstly, he told me that most men have at least one of three weaknesses, alcohol (or other addictive substances), sex or money. He explained that many men made a conscious effort to keep these weaknesses under control and prevent acting on untoward desires.

The second thing he told me was that many men are like dogs: show them a bone and they will come with their tail wagging. This was in reference to sexual encounters.

From that discussion onwards, my measure of men has been greatly influenced by my father-in-law’s insights, and throughout the years his words proved to be correct more often than not.

You might be wondering as to the relevance of these thoughts.

The day after Christmas, I read the sad and disturbing revelations of Ravi Zacharias’ misconduct. As many of you will know, Ravi was born in India before migrating to Canada and then the US. He was a well-known and respected apologist: someone who argues in defence of Christianity. He was very well-connected amongst Christian leaders, and had a devoted following.

Following his death in May 2020, an investigation by Ravi’s own ministry organisation (RZIM) found that Ravi had behaved inappropriately with several women over the course of many years. Throughout his life he had denied accusations of an affair with a female doner, and had made a settlement in exchange for her silence while accusing her of attempted extortion.

The investigation carried out after his death found that not only did the affair occur, but also that there had been a great many situations where Ravi had demanded sexual favours from female staff at a spa he owned.

At the time of his death the MeToo movement was already well underway, but this did not deter Ravi from deviant behaviour, or twisting the truth to cover his tracks.

When I read the sad and disturbing revelations about Ravi’s behaviour, I was reminded of an earlier incident in my own life involving a man whose public vs private personas were very different.

This man went to the same Anglican Church I attended when I first arrived in Brisbane. This was the Church where I was married and my children were baptised. His wife and son were elders in the Church. His wife, a kind and humble woman, was like a spiritual guide to me.

This man prayed beautifully and eloquently. His adult children and grandchildren attended the same church. I thought I knew him well.

Over time, circumstances arose which made it clear that this man, considered a cornerstone of our Church community, was grooming a child who was also part of the Church. Thankfully, a few key events revealed his predatory intentions just in time, as the man had gone to great efforts to groom this child while concealing his true intentions from other adults.

By the time I realised what was happening, I was attending a different Baptist Church. Along with a senior pastor from my new church, we visited this man and confronted him. He confessed to his intentions. He was eventually reported to the police and charged, and on the day of his court hearing he pleaded guilty and was sentenced.

This individual was 76 years old at the time of the offence.

The realisation that there are individuals among us who wish to harm children or others can be difficult to accept. How can a man who purports to be holy and is a respected member of a Church community be capable of such ugliness and evil?

I learned later that many knew of this man’s ugly behaviour, but none had addressed, confronted or corrected it.

Sadly, religious men who are predators can often be protected by well-meaning church goers who prefer to turn a blind eye in order to avoid confronting an ugly reality. Sometimes it seems easier to remain silent until you are personally affected by a situation.

Regarding Ravi’s actions, there are doubtless people who must have known about his inappropriate behaviour. Perhaps those closest to him, enamoured by Ravi’s powerful teachings as well as his status as the head of an influential and well-known organisation, simply found it easier to turn a blind eye.

If the leader of a religious group is engaging in manipulative and perverse behaviour behind closed doors, while outwardly portraying themselves as moral and pure, it is like an apple which is polished on the outside but rotten in the core. It is only when you pierce beneath the surface that the true nature is revealed.

Churches can attract broken people, which is a blessing in the way that they allow God’s grace to reach those in need. At the same time, this means that Churches are not necessarily safe places at all times, and it is important to form your own inner-circle even in Church, and be aware of the intentions of those people.

Why do I have such strong views on this topic? It is because I cannot be silent in confronting the evil of abuse, and the hypocrisy of manipulation being perpetrated by so-called holy men.

Ravi was not the first man found to be misrepresenting God, and he will not be the last. Such ugly behaviour can cause tremendous damage to those who have chosen to follow Christ, particularly if they have found their way to Jesus because of leaders who are later revealed as wolves in sheep’s clothing.

In Ravi’s case, my heart breaks for the many decent Christians who followed his leadership and teachings, and must feel shocked and betrayed at the revelations of his behaviour.

How dare these holy men claim to represent God, our Heavenly Father, while also carrying out evil acts in secret.

How dare they manipulate and abuse the vulnerable, when Jesus shed his divine blood to show us how much our Father, God of Heaven and Earth, loves and cares for us.

As a holy man, Ravi should have addressed and confronted his desires, instead of manipulating vulnerable or unwilling women to his own ends.

Sometimes, we forgive people who have wronged us in order to keep our own sanity and free ourselves from cycles of hatred. I forgave that man who was in our Church, but forgetting is harder to do. Reading about similarly manipulative behaviours being carried out by Ravi brought the memories of that man to the fore.

I ask myself: should we continue to listen to Ravi’s communications, responses and apologetics? Is the preaching still valid even if it has come from a man of unsavoury character? Perhaps not. I wonder if others can still revere the man’s teachings after learning who he really was.

While the bible is filled with men and women of unsavoury character, they changed for the better upon finding God’s light. Their bad behaviour and God’s will did not continue in parallel.

If you are a follower of Christ or a believer in Yahweh the almighty God, I hope you take the time to consider how you represent God on this earth, as well as whether you may yourself be inadvertently turning a blind eye towards immoral behaviour by those in your religious community.

As Christians, it is our duty to expose wrongdoing, and to ensure that Churches are safe places where people can come to be healed, inspired and saved.